Anti-Cruelty Society Paw-ilates Class

She looked up at me with her giant eyes and said the four words I hate most of all.

"We have to talk."

"Oh jeez," said I-only I pronounce it like I'm from Minnesota so it sounds more like 'O-cheese'. "What did I do?"

"Look Ann," said Grantley.

"O-cheese, here it comes."

"If it's because I don't want to spend the entire night in bed with you..." Her voice trailed off.

"Whaaaah. You didn't like it?" I ask, my voice betraying my advanced disappointment.

She sighs deeply.
"It's not that I didn't like it. It was lovely. I just..."

"But I'm the one that got all sweaty. You didn't enjoy any of it? Not even the treats?"

It was true that I had sliced up a vegetarian not-dog and left it on the kitchen counter and so I was not appropriately stockpiled like the other women in the basement of The Anti-Cruelty Society of Chicago. Yeah, women. Wherever I go, piles of them. I should write one of those 'Where to go to meet chicks' books or something. Seriously. It's a gift.

Her eyes followed a motorcycle flying down the Eisenhower.

"Are things this bad between us?" she asked.

"What are you saying?"said I.

"I mean, do you think our communication levels are so bad that we have to exercise together? On top of all the walking and whatnot? I thought you were doing fine at the gym. Now all of a sudden I have to hold you up for some sorta crazy double Pilates leg extensions? Don't I already do enough?" she sniffed.

My hand slid over the orange exercise band that had only moments earlier been wrapped around my non-leash holding hand making it smell just like the inside of a balloon.

"Do you not woof me anymore?" asked Grantley as she rested her snout on top of my right shoulder and whispered,"It's a beautiful night. Can you take me to the Burger King on First Avenue? I want to gaze at the Drive-Thru lady until she hands me a cheeseburger of love."

"Okay," I reply as we ignore the Austin exit," So ummm, do you think you could help me with my roll ups next week? I could use you to sit on my feet."

"I'm there." Grantley assured me. "I've always been there for you."

"Awww thanks Grantley. You're the best." I said as I reached down and kissed her on top of her furry head.

"Double cheeseburger." said Grantley.

"Oh cheese.".

Paws-ilates - Pilates for you and your Pet! An integrated program for you and your pet to enjoy gentle massage, Pilates core moves and special time set aside to reconnect, decompress and do something great for you & your dog's bodies. Take care of your posture and your pet's well-being!

Held on Wednesday nights in the Lower Levels of The Anti-Cruelty Society from September 2 through September 30.

To Register please contact Caitlin Peters at (312)644-8338 ext. 307

The World

The trouble started with the checkbook. There were ads in the local paper about it week after week and I dunno. It just sounded fun. So, I got one and then I talked MK into getting one and then I ended up leaving messages for Le Shish along the lines of: Hey! Get your coupon book already, will ya? Because I didn't want her to miss out.

It was 35 bucks from The Chamber of Commerce. It gave you this ton of checks in different denominations like 15 bucks towards your bill at ________ or 10 towards your purchase at ________. And a lot of the places are place we go. Or places we've been meaning to go. And they're not coupons. They're checks. No strings attached.

Well, we have already received our full value out of it and we've only used two checks.(I promised my Dad he could have the 10 dollars at Brown Cow Ice Cream for his birthday.) The first one was for Two Fish Art Glass and we three went together and had the most excellent time shopping and looking and talking. We really did. It's a cool store. We found these rugs. Hang on a second. Shish found 'em. You recall her shopping advice, don't you? "You have to dig."

For twenty dollars, this is the coolest thing because it's got tons of color AND made of recycled materials AND if it gets dirty you can just hose it off AND you can use it at the beach or the park. I plopped it in the living room after I finally got the floor swept properly.

Then last night, MK and Bob and I went to Trattoria 224 on Harrison and we had the most tremendous dinner. Two fancy salads and two brick oven pizzas and we each paid about 7 bucks each for tax and tip. We laughed because MK and I are all about the value and Bob was all thinking it was an opportunity to have new experiences. ha. Poor Bob. He's so way over his head when he sits between us.

It took me extra time to get the rug unrolled because I had to get my muffler fixed and no, it wasn't my muffler. It was the pipe that ran between the catalytic converter and the muffler and I didn't break it, it had rusted out. That cheered me up for some reason. And I have been busy.

This blog is going to go into semi-retirement. If there's something irresistible comes up, I'll be sure to put it up here and if I can direct you toward my writing someplace else, I'll be sure to post that up here too. I wanted to see if I could go for 365 days and if you count the weak ones, I passed that goal a long time ago and I'm on to some new ones.

MK was not 100% loving her rug selection. Hey look they're plastic, they are not for everyone but when I looked up from watching teevee and saw this?

Ahhh. Perfect.

The Office

Today I wrote a grant.

Actually re-wrote it. Jazzed it up. Infused it with positivity. And I did it under a tight deadline which was dammed impressive.

Part of me wants to smack it up here and show ya but I have a feeling there's some privileged information in it that's not mine to share with is a bummer because it's a kind of a good and happy story and I'm in it.

I'm sure there's more where that came from.

Lawd willin.

In Front of the Laundromat

While most people are waiting for Spring? I have been waiting to fall.

It's not that I wanted to wipe out because who would wish that for themselves? But I usually manage to wipe out at least once a winter. People assume it's Grantley related but it never is. She's retractable. Plenty of slack.

I've done about 26 of those Fa-joink Fred Astaire Elbow Souflee manuvers where somehow my toe reaches out and saves me from going down. You know like when acrobats fly off an apparatus and that flourish they do with their entire body? I end up like that only without the sequins or the phoney smile.

Today not so good.

(Oops we've activated the Maternal Worrying System. I'm fine Mah. Not to worry.)

I was commuting, just dashing past the yucky 24 hour laundromat and my foot hit the tiniest patch of black ice. Kablooie. Down I went.

Bam. Hit the sidewalk. Knee then hands followed by the rest of me.

The sidewalk is much colder and harder than you give it credit for when you get that close to it.

The happy thing is that there was a car filled with laundry doers and they stopped and gestured to see if I was okay. I gave them the international Good Lawd Have Mercy How Embarrassing signal that it appeared I was going to live another day and then very slowly I got up.

When I got to work, one of the women who said she really missed her children was packing me an ice bag before I could roll up my pants and survey the damage and the rest of the day I was trying to remember if my Dad called these kinda scrapes Strawberries or Raspberries.

The Shish was excited because ya know, any occasion to slather someone with Neosporin is a happy day for her. (In another life she was either a surgeon or medicine (wo)man.)

2009 was the year to fall forward in spring.

The Gym

I sampled a new class tonight at the gym. (Which is another way of saying, who is going to help me get out of bed in the morning?)

I was between something called SPLASH! and something called TurboKick. I asked Grantley which one she'd go for and she remained silent 0n the topic but I recalled that she side-stepped some H2O just moments before(in the blogosphere, I mean)and my Mah? When kickboxing first came out and I said I wanted to do it? My Mah was like...oooh nooooo. That's tooooo violent.

Which (even tho it's like 80 years later)means I had to try it. Right?

Plus I've been feeling very irritated. Not irritable because that would be my fault, correct? Irritated. I think maybe it's the time change or maybe it's those other annoying things.

Yeah you know. People.

But I digress. Off I went to TurboKick. I did my usual 'trying to chat with someone who looked reasonably pleasant and/or nice' as we all waited for Edna (yes, her real name)to complete the previous class which is known as Ab Blast.(Notice I haven't sampled that one yet. There's scary and there's scary, no?) The lady I selected to cheer me up did not fill me with joy and/or optimism. Which was rude because it was so clear that I needed a little bit of each.

I inquired, "Is this really hard?"

And she said, "Yes."

Wow, huh? Is it any wonder that I captured the center spot of the coveted back row? Okay painful learning experience here: Altho you're relatively safe from the rest of the class hooting at your dorkliness when you're safely tucked away in the back row? You also can't see the teacher. So there are layers of spazmosis. There's the 'I can't do this yet' thing layered on top of the 'What is she doing now?' thing. It's bad. Believe me. (Not tooth extraction bad. More like decreased Girl Scout cookie box size bad.)

We got to the '30 minute/considering walking out because we are so incredibly floundering/too afraid to run into everyone afterwards in the locker room' interval and then once you get to minute 31? Well, you're thinking, okay I'm more than halfway done. Might as well hang in there for the next bit. Maybe it'll be good. (Plus there's always the joy of the cool-down to look forward to. It's like a poor mans massage. Kinda+sorta+if you squint. And the clapping at the very end. I like that.)

A first night in a new class puts me in the mind of trying to enter a twirling double dutch jump rope. You oh so totally want to be leaping around like everyone else but no matter what you do there's going to be a period of time when you're standing to the side kinda pawing like a polar bear beckoning for marshmallows.

Beckoning burns calories.

Who knew?

11:27 PM

I think I'm still adjusting to the time change. Am I the only one?

Puddles

Sometimes your dog does these tiny things that amaze you.

We have a trick for long walks and it's called. "Hop up." And that means: let's make this walk more interesting and the phrase is actually shorthand for: "Hey Grantley, jump up on this elevated wall of concrete." You know, like a curb-only something that might be holding a garden in, or just a short wall. She likes it. Hopping up.

We did one near the library where the wall got progressively higher until it was way too high for her to safely jump down so I scooped her up and settled her on the sidewalk and I remember it, because she was all wet and I was thinkin' to myself, how da ya like them muddy wet apples, ya big show off?

We were out strolling post monsoon. It's been so wet that individual sidewalks squares are completely submerged and so, without any prompting from me? Instead of walking through this giant puddle? She hopped up. All by herself.

Good girl.