In Bed

If you really want to test the limits of your fortitude, what you need to do is, re-catch the cold you had last week on top of four really intense workouts at the gym-and when I say 'intense', I mean the instructor has to say 'BAM' at least twice within the hour-anything less and you're not going to set yourself up properly for this.

If you want to heighten the stakes for yourself, do a couple of long dog walks in a downpour of seemingly spring-like weather and then come out the next morning to see a worm frozen to the sidewalk. Walk through that without mittens because you've sent them into premature retirement.

Venture to Trader Joe's where their doors are malfunctioning (stuck open)and it's so cold that you have to keep blowing on your hands and you're not even in the frozen food aisle. Buy twice as much stuff as you usually do because the weirdest things sound tasty to you. Bread and Butter pickles. Indian food. Chocolate cereal. Not-dogs. Oh and daffodils for $1.69 for ten. You gotta get those. It's the law.

Attend Oak Park River Forest High Schools Empty Bowls project and do a little recruiting for your day gig while you're there. Choose a soup and then decide it tastes like wet newspaper.

Run to Molly Malone's in Forest Park to try and hear a friend read poetry. Open the door to the special events room and view a sea of people looking up at you as if you've inadvertently opened the bathroom door in their Winnebago. Retreat.

Wake up Saturday morning and begin to sing (really loud)with dog's tail as back up percussion instrument.

Repeat and fade.