"We have to talk."
"Oh jeez," said I-only I pronounce it like I'm from Minnesota so it sounds more like 'O-cheese'. "What did I do?"
"Look Ann," said Grantley.
"O-cheese, here it comes."
"If it's because I don't want to spend the entire night in bed with you..." Her voice trailed off.
"Whaaaah. You didn't like it?" I ask, my voice betraying my advanced disappointment.
She sighs deeply.
"It's not that I didn't like it. It was lovely. I just..."
"But I'm the one that got all sweaty. You didn't enjoy any of it? Not even the treats?"
It was true that I had sliced up a vegetarian not-dog and left it on the kitchen counter and so I was not appropriately stockpiled like the other women in the basement of The Anti-Cruelty Society of Chicago. Yeah, women. Wherever I go, piles of them. I should write one of those 'Where to go to meet chicks' books or something. Seriously. It's a gift.
Her eyes followed a motorcycle flying down the Eisenhower.
"Are things this bad between us?" she asked.
"What are you saying?"said I.
"I mean, do you think our communication levels are so bad that we have to exercise together? On top of all the walking and whatnot? I thought you were doing fine at the gym. Now all of a sudden I have to hold you up for some sorta crazy double Pilates leg extensions? Don't I already do enough?" she sniffed.
My hand slid over the orange exercise band that had only moments earlier been wrapped around my non-leash holding hand making it smell just like the inside of a balloon.
"Do you not woof me anymore?" asked Grantley as she rested her snout on top of my right shoulder and whispered,"It's a beautiful night. Can you take me to the Burger King on First Avenue? I want to gaze at the Drive-Thru lady until she hands me a cheeseburger of love."
"Okay," I reply as we ignore the Austin exit," So ummm, do you think you could help me with my roll ups next week? I could use you to sit on my feet."
"I'm there." Grantley assured me. "I've always been there for you."
"Awww thanks Grantley. You're the best." I said as I reached down and kissed her on top of her furry head.
"Double cheeseburger." said Grantley.